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Calling
I often wonder, why I never really feel whole without a sword in my hands. I don't mean one of those mass produced pieces of junk, I mean a hand forged work of Art, created for battle.
It's not as if I actively seek fights, in fact I avoid them like the plague. Yet when they are unavoidable, I feel so alive, so real. It's as if the Universe says, "Good Boy, THIS is what I wanted you to do." That, I hope is just me misinterpreting the rush of adrenaline, and my love of Bladed Weapons, and Forms. If it is not, then well, who does not hate some part of their Nature.
Could it be that the Swords I wield are just my Fangs, and as part of my silly male Nature, I like to bare them to establish dominance. That would make sense if I like being Dominate. Only sometimes behind closed doors. Mostly I prefer equals. I try to strengthen the weak and I ignore the Strong.
It is a hard choice to fight, you could deprive the world of a great person, even if they seem evil to you. You could die, and while I don't claim it is better or worse to be alive, it seems one should stay alive as long as they can, being part of Nature's design. IF neither die, some injuries are very difficult to live with. Bad all around. Better to avoid it.
At the same time I love the feeling of control over myself, I enjoy the Dance. I long for it, I dream about it. And yes, I love to WIN! Victory is sweet, and it shall ever be so. I may cry for you afterward but if you push me, some part of me will enjoy breaking you. I wish it was not so.
I do not think I am a bad person, but I know I am not a GOOD person. I try anyway. Perhaps it is that I know the pain of others. It could be my striving to be fair is because I have been the weak before the strong. And while I may have had choices it often felt like I had none.
The Fact remains that to me war is a calling, the only thing I have ever felt good at, and it is the most unwanted talent a person could have in this time and place.
accomplishedIt's not as if I actively seek fights, in fact I avoid them like the plague. Yet when they are unavoidable, I feel so alive, so real. It's as if the Universe says, "Good Boy, THIS is what I wanted you to do." That, I hope is just me misinterpreting the rush of adrenaline, and my love of Bladed Weapons, and Forms. If it is not, then well, who does not hate some part of their Nature.
Could it be that the Swords I wield are just my Fangs, and as part of my silly male Nature, I like to bare them to establish dominance. That would make sense if I like being Dominate. Only sometimes behind closed doors. Mostly I prefer equals. I try to strengthen the weak and I ignore the Strong.
It is a hard choice to fight, you could deprive the world of a great person, even if they seem evil to you. You could die, and while I don't claim it is better or worse to be alive, it seems one should stay alive as long as they can, being part of Nature's design. IF neither die, some injuries are very difficult to live with. Bad all around. Better to avoid it.
At the same time I love the feeling of control over myself, I enjoy the Dance. I long for it, I dream about it. And yes, I love to WIN! Victory is sweet, and it shall ever be so. I may cry for you afterward but if you push me, some part of me will enjoy breaking you. I wish it was not so.
I do not think I am a bad person, but I know I am not a GOOD person. I try anyway. Perhaps it is that I know the pain of others. It could be my striving to be fair is because I have been the weak before the strong. And while I may have had choices it often felt like I had none.
The Fact remains that to me war is a calling, the only thing I have ever felt good at, and it is the most unwanted talent a person could have in this time and place.
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